


Letters to Ghosts

by Wesley



Series: Let Me Drive For a While [3]
Category: Zootopia (2016)
Genre: F/M, Past Rape/Non-con, Triggers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-15
Updated: 2016-04-15
Packaged: 2018-06-02 08:25:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,944
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6559270
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wesley/pseuds/Wesley
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Judy finally opens up about what happened to her. Nick has his mind made up.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Letters to Ghosts

**Author's Note:**

> This was the hardest thing I've ever had to write. There are pretty graphic depictions of underage rape so PLEASE be forewarned before you read this. I had to get this part out and there was no other way of going about it but to just write it and have it be what it was before I could move onto the fluff. Thank you for reading and for bearing with me while I get these painful parts out!
> 
> For those of you interested the writing soundtrack was:  
> \- Lay it All On Me by Rudimental (feat. Ed Sheeran)  
> \- In the Night by the Weekend

            She was still in last night’s clothes. _How much did I drink?!_  

            “Nick, I’m so sorry, I…I must have had more than I thought.” She was completely mortified. He was staring at her with a mixture of sadness and unease. She took a few steps towards him; he sat up on the couch. “I’m really sorry.” Her ears drooped down her back, her paws fidgeting together nervously.

            “It’s alright.” His tone was hollow. _Oh God, what did I do?_ “How much do you remember from last night?”

            “I remember,” she paused for a moment, thinking hard on the previous night’s events. Everything seemed like a dream; there was a veil over everything, just blurred images. Just out of reach. “I remember…you said,” she paused, blushing slightly, “you said you needed me….And we…kissed,” she said smiling sheepishly, trying to gauge his reaction.

             “Yes.” He said hesitantly.

            “And, I don’t, really…” she trailed off…Fingers on the back of her neck. The blurred images cleared; her legs felt weak, bones turning to ice. “I…oh my God,” her eyes widened, “I kicked you! Nick.” She rushed to his side, half reaching towards him. “Oh my God, I’m so sorry. Are you hurt?” Her paw gently reached out and touched his side; he took it in his hands.

            “I’m fine Carrots,” he said softly, motioning for her to sit next to him. She was holding back tears. “Carrots…” He trailed off, completely unsure of where to start.

            “Nick I…I’m…” He waited patiently for her to try and compose her thoughts. “I freaked out, didn’t I?” Her eyes moved back and forth, he could see it was coming back to her in slow waves.

             “Has anything like this ever happened before?”

             “No,” she whispered. “Well…maybe, I think, once before.” She was quiet for a moment, pulling harshly on her left ear before she whispered, “Oh God, I’m totally nuts.”

            “Carrots,” he dared to put an arm around her shoulder, “you’re the least crazy person I’ve ever met.” She stared up at him, eyes frantic and confused. “You went somewhere last night, it’s like you weren’t here.” She closed her eyes and grimaced. “I don’t know, I think…I think maybe I should have called someone.”

            “No! Please Nick no, it would ruin me.” Her small paw grasped at his arm.

            “Shh, it’ okay.” He held her against his chest, stroking her head gently. He was quiet for a moment before he spoke. “Judy, I don’t know if…I don’t know what to do here. I can help you, I can try, but I’m not a professional.” The familiar ache was rising in his chest again. “I don’t know what the right thing is to do here.” For the first time in his life he wasn’t sure of anything. She turned to meet his gaze, her eyes full of tears.

             “Nicky, I’m so sorr—”

             “Do _not_ apologize.”

             “Oh god, you think I’m crazy,” she shook her head.

             He took her face in his hands, “Listen to me Judy, I do not think you’re crazy. I _need_ to help you. But if I let you walk out that door, and something like this happens and I’m not around…and you get hurt…” He shook the image out of his mind.

             “I understand.” she whispered. _He can’t deal with me; I’m too much of a liability_. She’d freaked out and gone somewhere that he couldn’t follow.

             “Hey,” he soothed. “If we’re going to be together I have to make sure you’re okay, right?”

            “Be…together?” Her nose twitched in that adorable way he loved when she was surprised by something.  _Is he serious? After….everything?_

             “Well, yes. I mean, unless you—”

            “You still want to be together, even, even after last night?” The room was spinning, her head reeling with disbelief and sheer bliss.

            His perplexed look said it all. “Of _course_ I still want to be with you. You think I changed my mind?” She nodded, tears spilling down her cheeks.

            “Oh Carrots,” he wrapped his arm around her, resting his head on top of hers. “You have to so much to learn.” She laughed in his arms, a mixture of relief and fear brewing in the pit of her stomach. After a long moment he pulled her back to look her full in the face, “Judy, I want to be with you, I wasn’t lying when I said I needed you. But I have to take care of you, even if that means getting you help I can’t provide.” She cringed. “Hey,” he placed a hand on her cheek, “let’s just take it one day at a time, okay?”

            “Why are you so amazing?” She breathed.

            “You make it pretty easy Carrots.” She beamed at him. That was the Judy he knew, but he needed to understand the Judy he _didn’t_ know. He swallowed. “Look, I’m not going to force anything out of you, you’ve been through enough, but…Judy…who did this to you?” His face was serious, more serious than she’d ever seen before.

            The warm rays of sunlight glistened off the coffee table, refracting onto her face making her purple eyes sparkle.

            “I want to tell you. I need to tell you. I _have_ to tell someone.” His heart skipped a beat. All these years she’d been keeping it buried inside. He could feel her slowly pulling away; he gently pulled her back to his side.

            “I’m here to listen, to just sit with you in silence if that’s what you need, but you have to trust me. You have to stay with me. Focus. Don’t leave Judy.” She was shaking in his arms. “I’ve seen some things, I’ve…been through some things before but this is...” he trailed off. “You _have_ to face it Judy, at some point. It doesn’t have to be with me,” he emphasized, “but you can’t hide from it anymore.” 

            “I want it to be you. I need to tell you Nick.” He petted her gently as she spoke slowly, choking to get the words out. Her giant, glistening eyes ripped a hole in his heart; he hugged her so tightly, engulfing her in his warm fur. He had dealt with some serious shit in his lifetime but this was a whole new level of fucked.

            Her shaking slowly subsided. “I’ll make you some breakfast,” he said quietly.

            “I honestly don’t think I could eat right now. Not if I…I’m going to tell you.

            “Judy I don’t know if now is such a—”

            “Nick, please, I don’t think…if I don’t get this out I never will.” She was starting to panic again.

            “Alright, it’s alright.” He petted her face softly. The warm sunlight filled the room, warming them both. Nick wanted nothing more than to rip the shades shut, closing them off from the outside world.

            She crawled out of his grip and backed herself against the couch cushions opposite of him. “Be patient with me.” Her face was pure misery.

            He was going to kill whoever did this her. “Of course honey, take all the time you need.” She took several deep breaths as she wrapped her arms around her knees, pulling them close to her chest. Nick settled back in the cushions, attempting to do anything that would make her more comfortable.         

            She opened her mouth to speak several times but no words came out. Her eyes pressed hard together. “ _Fuck._ ”

             “I’m here, Carrots.” Her eyes opened slowly to a gorgeous fox, smiling empathetically with such patience. _Don’t be a coward Judy._ Her eyes slowly settled on a spot on the coffee table.

             “You asked me…if I had ever been with someone. I said no, and I…I lied.” She drew a deep breath. “It was a long time ago. There was a boy...at school, when I was a kid. I was in middle school and he was in high school.” She paused. Each sentence was like stabbing a knife into her heart. Nick felt sick to his stomach seeing her this way, watching her try to dig up something buried so deep. “He was several years older than me. All the girls liked him.” Her face twisted in disgust. “I thought he was cute; he was popular and I was just a simple Carrot farmer’s daughter. One day, after school, I was waiting for my parents to pick me up. I used to play in the grass behind the school with my friends while I waited. Mom and dad always had a lot of work to do and couldn’t always pick up me on time.” Those purple eyes were so far away again. Was he going to break her, destroy her, making her tell him this? He thought about stopping her but considered just how much damage he would cause, how rejected she would feel just as she was opening up to him. _Him._ The first person she’d ever told.

            “I was out in the fields and I heard my name. I looked up. I…I couldn’t believe it. It was him. Everyone stared at me, like I was something special. We’d never spoken, I didn’t even know he knew my name…He called my name and motioned for me to come over. He had this real nice car, and, well my parent drove this old, dirty truck. But his car was shiny and red and so pretty…He said he’d take me home if I wanted. All the kids were looking at me, a few of them waved goodbye like I should go. I was so excited. I mean, he knew who I _was_. He knew my name and he wanted to drive me home.”

            Nick was barely breathing, his eyes pinned to her face. “He was really nice, he asked me questions about my family, he seemed really interested…” Judy trailed off. “Then…I…I noticed we weren’t going towards my house.” Nick’s claws pressed into his palms. “He said he wanted to show me something, something real pretty.” Her voice was a whisper now. “He drove me to this beautiful field of flowers, all kinds of flowers that I’d never seen before. He said it could be our special place. I didn’t know what he meant but I felt so happy. He asked me if I wanted to come there every day after school. I was so excited; I said ‘of course I do.’ He seemed happy about that.”

            “He said that I was special and he was going to show me something. Something, something to make me even more special.” She trailed off and was quiet for several moments. Nick closed his eyes feeling lightheaded.

            He could hardly find a voice to speak. “Carrots,” he croaked. “Hey, come back to me.” She shook her head slightly before starting again. “He…uh…he petted my dress. He said it was pretty, that _I_ was pretty. He pulled me close and said I was special. I didn’t know what he was doing, He…he reached down and…I didn’t know what was happening. I’d never felt…I didn’t know you could feel that way. He said he would make me feel good, if I…” her voice trembled, “If I…made him feel go—, good too.” She stuttered. “He dropped me off home later, he pulled up to the house and told my parents that he could drive me home every day to help. His family was well known in town. I thought maybe I should tell them, about what happened. But he said that it wouldn’t be special, _I_ wouldn’t be special anymore and I couldn’t see the pretty flowers. I think my parents, they were happy that such a popular family was interested in me. I don’t know. Maybe they thought it would be good for their business. I just wanted to be special.” Large tears rolled down her cheeks.

            Nick’s stomach churned, his eyes burning and muscles tense with rage. “It went on that way for a few weeks, every day after school, stopping at the flower fields and then…I don’t know, he started to _change_. He never acknowledged me in the halls or in front of anyone else. Every day after school he would just pull his car up out front and I would get in…” She started to drift off again. Nick brushed a shaking hand against her arm bringing her back to the present. She swallowed hard. “He stopped taking me to the flower fields after a while, just pulling off on a dirt road. He was so strong, always pulling and pushing. It was just little things at first…but….one night, he said he wanted me to relax. He…”

            Nick bit the inside of his mouth, tasting copper. “He grabbed the back of my neck and he forced me, forced me down. I didn’t know what I was doing, it hurt so much. When we pulled up to the house that night I told myself I would tell my parents but, he looked at me like…like he would, I don’t know, like he would kill me.” She wrapped her arms even tighter around her knees. “It just went on from there. He would push me against the side of the car. I would just turn away and wait till he was done. It hurt so much.” She shuddered. A small whine escaped Nick’s throat.

            Nick’s head was spinning. He wasn’t sure he could hear anymore but he _had_ to let her finish. “One night, he kept pulling on my neck and I said, I said ‘Jeremy please stop that _hurts._ ’ He stopped and looked at me and for a second I thought, I thought he was going to smile like he used to. But…he…” He voice shook. Her words came tumbling out, “he hit me.”

            “He just kept hitting me. He said I…was a, was a stupid bitch. A dumb, little slut and he could do whatever he wanted. I don’t know what made me do it but I kicked him. I kicked him in the face. He clawed at me and I just remember _screaming_. I knew that no one could hear me but I couldn’t stop Nick, I couldn’t stop. I fumbled for the door handle and scrambled out, running as fast as I could.” She rocked slightly back and forth on the couch. “I just remember him shouting as I ran that he would kill me, that no one would believe me…I ran all the way home. I told my parents that a bully at school had hit me and I didn’t want Jeremy to pick me up anymore.” She was quiet for several moments. “That was it. They tried to get me to tell them more but I just couldn’t.”

            “I saw him in the hallways sometimes but he never so much as looked at me after that. He graduated the next year and I never saw him again.” She took several deep breaths, her shoulders shaking uncontrollable, adrenaline pumping through her veins. Her skin crawled. She had never felt so dirty in her life. “Nick I’ve never told anyon—” She stopped at the sight of Nick’s face; his shoulders were rising rapidly with each rapid breath. His eyes were pressed tightly together, every muscle in his body taught. “Nick…”

            “Where is he?” His voice was deep and steady.

            “He…he died. Car accident, a few years later.” He sat as still as stone for a few moment, his breathing quieted. He opened his eyes, streaks of tears ran down his face.

            “Nick.” She whispered. The Nick she knew wasn’t vulnerable, he wasn’t shakable; he looked completely destroyed. He held his arms out, she perked up for a moment, wiped her face on her sleeve and crawled into his arms, curling up on his lap. He stroked her head softly, letting her cry gently on his lap. “It’s like, like every time you touch me I can feel him Nick. Like he’s under my skin, just waiting there. I can’t get him off me.” She sobbed.

            “Carrots,” his tone was firm but empathetic, “he has nothing to do with you. He’s not a part of who you are, who you were, nothing.” She sat up in his lap, her eyes searched his frantically, shifting back and forth rapidly as he spoke. “He can never make you someone you’re not. We are _not_ going to give him that power. You are Judy, my Judy, and nothing else matters. No one can take that from you. Do you understand?” She didn’t answer immediately, a mixture of confusion and pain on her face. “Do you understand?” He repeated. She nodded. “I’m going to take care of you Judy. I will never hurt you and I will never lie to you. I’m going to show you what it means to be…” he paused, his mouth dry, “what it means to be loved.” Her paw tightened on his arm. “It’s not going to be easy. It’s going to be _so_ hard for you to let go. But we’ll get through this…together.” He sighed, “one day at a time,” forcing a smile.

            “Nick I…” she continued to stare at him, trepidation and pain pouring out of every inch of her being.

            “You and me, right Carrots?” He ran a thumb from her forehead down her nose. She shuddered in pleasure.

            “I want to try,” she smiled, wiping the last of the tears from her face. “Show me?”

            There was so much love in his gaze. “Oh Carrots, I have _so_ many things to show you.”

           


End file.
